Sometimes it just rains

No matter what you do you can't keep it from coming.  The rain comes... lighter... harder... drilling down.. or just a drizzle.  Sometimes the rain is just what I like... others I feel like it is echoing the clouded heart inside my human heart.  The latter is how i feel now.  Like this song.  Except... if you watch the video... that is so not my ending. The rain is here.  Really.

Being single is sometimes not what I want.  Is that selfish?  I have just had a bad few days of biting that bitter, cold, silver, armor piercing bullet.  I just want out of it though.  I WANT TO BE HER.  I want to be the one standing in the rain being soaked and and drinking in the still satisfaction of what has come.  I want to find joy, holy joy.  May it be found in the giving thanks for the things... the now?

I want to be rid of this silliness that comes over me. The radical emotions of a teenage school girl... but wait! I am not a teenage school girl! AHHH... Do I really want to be rid of these emotions that come over me and make me feel this childish?  Really?  NO! NOT REALLY! WHAT ARE YOU NUTS!!?  I dream of this.  But I want for all of this, first and for most to be God whom governs this dream.
 
Am I making sense?

It's raining now God... thank you for the rain.
I do just thank you for what I am now, and what you are doing.

Yesterday

You know those scenes in every romatic comedy where the girl is holding her perfect cup of coffee with her perfect hair and is walking briskly down the streets of NYC on her way to work? Think Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail on her way to the Shop Around the Corner. This song is playing (the video is creepy...I know...eighties videos are all creepy). Well on some days, especially Mondays, I like to imagine my mile long walk from my car to my cubicle just as magical as Meg's, and I throw my hair back and hold my coffee with poise. Needless to say, nine times out of ten I might be running instead of walking, because I might be running late and there is not time for the Cranberries to serenade me. I digress. My sister says this is my look and it is really growing on me. Who says tennis shoes and suit skirts were not meant to go together? If your job requires bouts of sprinting and numerous meetings, what's not to love about the outfit?

But yesterday I noticed SO much on my mile walk. Instead of noticing the cigarette buds and trash, I saw a bird's nest in a crepe myrtle tree. It showed me hope for spring.

I saw a lady proudly carrying a totally homemade cake (you can tell when it is homemade) with the biggest smile. She showed me to be thankful for friends.

I saw someone around my mom's age rocking a fashionable gray felt hat with feathers. She showed me to embrace your own style.

I saw two students laughing and talking at the crosswalk. They showed me love for life early in the morning.

Not everything I saw yesterday was happy and carefree. I saw a man that looked homeless, dirty, and angry. My heart hurt, and I did not know what to do. I was driving, and he was walking slowly. I wanted to tell him "Jesus loves you." It is true. I prayed he would know yesterday. And I pray he would know today. He is a child of God.

I saw a man with anguish on his face walking out for some fresh air at a hospital. And I thought of his family that I did not know. I wanted to say, "It will all be okay." Instead a prayed that he would find hope. Is hope better than okay? I don't know, but I know Him who is acquainted with all my ways. That he can turn mourning into dancing.

I am thankful for yesterday's moments. I made pasta for supper. And I am thankful for another day that God has made--one running shoe and suit skirt step at a time.

Pasta with Gorgonzola Sauce (Adapted from Cookie & Kate....her Banana Bread recipe is lovely)
Serves 2

1 cup dried gemelli pasta
1/4 cup crumbled gorgonzola cheese
2 tablespoons milk
juice of 1/2 lemon
2 cups chopped fresh greens (collards or spinach)
1 tablespoon olive oil
salt and pepper

Boil the pasta about 8 minutes in salted water. Drain and reserve a little (2 tablespoons?) of the pasta water in the pot (helps the sauce to cling to the noodles). Gently boil the greens for about 4 minutes in another pot until tender. Drain and rinse in cool water; saute in olive oil for about 2 minutes. Add all ingredients to pasta with reserved pasta water and warm until melty. Serve with good conversation about the day.

Lessons learned

Rainy days are great for making realizations that you might not ever make on sunny days. For example, if it rains all day long on Saturday, cleaning the house like a maniac while your fourteen year-old Jack Russell becomes angry with the vacuum is funny. Watching Money Ball with Brad Pitt does not suffice when you really wanted to watch Father of the Bride.



Norman Rockwell - Game Called Because of Rain

 Baking cinnamon sugar biscotti is always a good idea even though you have about 674 biscotti recipes scattered across the house. Drinking excessive amounts of green tea makes you feel healthy and also gives you energy to dust the top of the shelves that have not been dusted since before the Backstreet Boys were cool. Not to say that the Backstreet Boys are not cool now...this is forever cool. Don't disagree on this one. Meanwhile, listening to Joe Purdy sing about "loving the rain the most when it stops" might or might not make you cry depending on how hormonal you are feeling on this aformentioned rainy day. If you are feeling hormonal, take a bubble bath and blare the Backstreet Boys song.



Van Gogh - Wheat Field in Rain

 Continuing on, rainy days give you time to think about things that you are too busy for on sunny days. Like being really grateful for new friendships in your life that God has surprised you with. Some friendships come out of the blue and have you smiling all the time without even knowing you are doing it. Isn't God full of those little surprises? And then rainy days allow time to think about those friendships that he is rekindling or making stronger. Rainy days don't come often enough. If it weren't for rainy days, I would never have any clean clothes much less have them ironed.



Gustave Caillebotte - Rainy Day


Without rainy days, I would never make a dent in my growing reading list. When I was in college, I had a strict one book at a time policy. Unfortunately, this did not include textbooks, but it was for the "fun" books that I would roam the library for. Wouldn't libraries be amazing if no one had to study? Epic realization. I remember reading The Sound and The Fury for the first time. If I had not been wholly devoted to finishing it, I would still be on page 6. That strict policy went out the window about a year ago. Now I am on page 6 of several books and only on the rainy days do I make it to page 8 of them all. Abi, I am almost done with the third book in the Narnia series!

So on this beautiful sunny day that I am exceedingly grateful for, I am also grateful for the rainy day that I just had. Langston Hughes once said, "Let the rain kiss you. Let the rain beat upon your head with silver liquid drops. Let the rain sing you a lullaby."